Yesterday evening we loaded up the car and headed to the base. Although I have been walking around with a lump in my throat for days anticipating this goodbye, I managed to keep myself together most of the day. We have a goodbye tradition of eating at Martin's BBQ because it's our favorite. So last night we headed out to Nolensville to get some ribs. Unfortunately when we got to Martins.....it wasn't there!! (Apparently it is moving to a new location and hasn't opened yet) Why do people have to mess with a good thing????! So, we decided to go back towards Nashville and find somewhere else. We saw a Jets pizza sign and thought it was about time that we tried "everyone's" favorite pizza. We pulled up and it was a delivery only location! No seating! Of course, by now Cale is pretty much starving and so we decided to roll with the punches. We ordered a pizza and ate it in the car. Not quite the goodbye dinner I had planned, but we all got fed and spent a little extra time together and thats what really matters.
Afterwards we drove out to the base and located the right baracks. Jacob unloaded his stuff and let Cale "help" him carrie it all inside. (each bag ways 75+ pounds, so you can imagine that was a sight!) Cale noticed that there was an "awplane" (airplane) behind the barracks. HE got so excited! He kept asking Jacob if he worked on an airplane and wanted to go see it. ( apparently they use it for training or something) So, if he tells you that his dad works on an airplane, thats why. He also thought the potty's were "pretty." hahahaha
We said our goodbyes and left. As we were driving off Cale said "mommy are you crying?", and ofcourse those sweet words just made me cry harder.. "Mommy why are you crying?".... I tried to explain that I was ok and that I just missed daddy. "Mommy, don't cry, be...(pause).... nice."...well that did it.. I started laughing.. as he struggled to find the correct word..."no...mommy be happy, be happy mommy."... I told him i was ok and that I was just crying a little. "Mommy, I know what you need, you need Pooh and blankie".....and that did it again! I started sobbing because it was just so sweet and tender and he handed me his pooh and blankie to wipe my tears. For the rest of the way home he would just say "its gonna be ok mommy". Although I wasn't exactly a mess when I pulled away, hearing my sweet baby try to comfort me was both a blessing and a trigger. I wanted him to know I was ok, but I also know that I can't shield him from sadness. When I put him in bed he said "mommy I love you, don't cry anymore", I was glad it was dark in his room. These moments are the times that I know I wouldn't survive this world without God.
"The Lord is close to the broken hearted; he rescues those whose spirit are crushed." Psalm 34:18
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First, I am so glad that you started a blog.....That totally broke my heart for you, but at the same time made me love Cale even more. He has such a sweet spirit and I know that he is what is going to help you get through this. I cannot even imagine what you are going through right now. Just remember that we are here for you and love you. We will definitely have to have lots of playdates while Jacob is away. I know that Austin would love having Cale as a distraction once the baby arrives. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm sitting at my desk at work nearly in a sob. Thankfully, no one can see my tears. My heart breaks for you and please know that you all are in my thoughts and prayers daily. You are such a strong woman, Christine! God will never give you or Jacob more than you can handle. What a blessing to have Cale; what a blessing he is! If you ever need to cry or vent or whatever, I am always here! You can call me anytime! 615-440-0057! ~Rebecca
ReplyDeleteTHank you Both for your kind hearts. It is a honorable sacrifice, but it is still hard most days. Friends and prayers like yours are what make it bearable :-)
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